COVID19 sheltering has given me time to ponder the mysteries of my life. Some of these discoveries are welcome additions. I’ve learned that I have more patience, perseverance, and discipline than I thought I had. Other discoveries have been tough to acknowledge and excruciating to accept. The most disappointing is that there are seven things that I have more faith in than Jesus.
Action speak louder than words. Although I spend an inordinate amount time — much more than most of y’all— talking about and thinking about God, my behavior clearly shows that there are a few things I trust more than God and His word.
When I ordered my spin bike back in March I wasn’t worried they would deliver a treadmill instead. In fact, I do a lot of online shopping and I simply punch in my credit card number and move on trusting my product will arrive. However…
In Matthew 7 Jesus said, “Ask and it will be given to you; Seek and you will find; Knock and the door will be opened to you.” He goes on to say that everyone who asks, receives. Really? You sure? Everyone? Even me? I don’t know, Jesus. I’m kind of stressing over whether it will happen.
Bottom line: I have more faith in Amazon to deliver than God.
Every morning I stumble downstairs, create my cup of keto coffee and plop my tushy in a kitchen chair. It never occurs to me that the chair won’t hold me. I don’t ease into it. I’m not overly cautious about sitting down. I give it no thought at all. You may think “Well it’s been holding you for twenty years so you know it works.” Yeah, but…
God has been holding me for over 40 years and I’m still a little nervous about his willingness and ability to protect me. I know he said “no weapon” formed against me will prosper but is he for real? No weapon? None at all? I’m not so sure about it. If I were I’d move when God tells me to move with the same confidence I have when I plop down in that chair in the morning.
Bottom line: I believe my kitchen chairs are stronger than God.
A Dollar Bill
When I get to the Wendy’s drive-thru window and hand the young man a twenty dollar bill, he checks it to make sure it’s real. If I hand him a fifty dollar bill he calls a manager and they mark it with a special pen. If I pay with singles, the young man counts them and waves me on to the next window. Nobody questions the authenticity of a dollar bill but…
People dedicate their entire lives to proving that God is a counterfeit. Even I am guilty of demanding “proof” from God. I’m a notorious “fleecer.” That’s when you pray to God for guidance like Gideon in Judges 6. “God, if you do this, I’ll do this. If you do that, I’ll do that.” We’re always demanding a sign to see if God is real. However, when the young man gives me my change I simply drop it in purse and move on.
Bottom line: I have faith that a dollar bill is real but need God to prove himself.
This quarantine year has produced a new hobby for me… gardening. I planted an indoor herb garden and then got full of myself and started growing jalapeño peppers. When I planted the seeds to my peppers it never really occurred to me that an orange might sprout. When I plant pepper seeds I expect to get peppers. But…
I don’t trust the seeds of my faith to produce for me. Jesus said that if I have faith like a grain of mustard seed nothing will be impossible for me. When the first seeds sprouted in my garden I was 100% sure that I was going to get what I planted. When seeds of faith sprout in my writing career, I spend sleepless nights wondering if they’ll produce anything at all.
Bottom line: I have more faith in garden seeds than in the God who makes them grow.
George Washington was the first president of the United States. Actually, John Hanson was the first president of our nation elected under the Articles of Confederation in 1781. GW was the first under the current US Constitution. Abraham Lincoln “freed” the slaves in 1863. I wasn’t alive before Ford was President but I believe that the other 37 sat in the Oval because I’ve studied it in my history books, so…
Why can’t I believe the Bible? Okay, I’m totally being flip. You guys know I believe the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. However, many people don’t trust the Bible because it was written by flawed humans. *insert eye roll* Every book we’ve ever read was written by a flawed human. You don’t know for sure who the first president was because you weren’t alive to see it. You only read it in a book.
Bottom line: You don’t have to believe in the Bible, but you do have to stop saying you don’t believe the Bible because it was written by humans. Well Duh!
When I get on the NE Corridor train I know it’s going to take me from New York Penn Station to New Jersey. I never question whether it’s going to take me to Connecticut. Never! But…
God says he has plans “to prosper and not to harm me” and I wonder if that’s true. I get overly anxious and worried that maybe his plan won’t happen.
Bottom Life: I trust the travel plans of mass transit more than God’s plan for my life.
I remember the overwhelming sense of love I felt the first time I held both of my sons. They each looked at me with familiarity that knew I was “mama” from the moment they opened their eyes. We’ve had some rocky times over the years. Shouting, tantrums, rebellion…and the boys did some of that, too. Not one time have I ever questioned that my kids loved me. Even when they did things that hurt my feelings or disappointed me, I knew they loved me. But…
When God doesn’t do exactly what I want him to do the way I want him to do it, I question his love for me. I spent the first part of my life thinking God didn’t love me. I thought God made people he loved and people he hated to balance things out. I firmly believed I was in the latter group. It doesn’t happen much, but every now and then, when something really crazy happens— looking at you 2020— those old feelings creep into my heart.
Bottom line: I believe my children love me more than God does— and that’s ridiculous because God is love.
If you ask me, I’d tell you that I believe in God, through his son Jesus, more than anything else in this world. But a closer look at my actions would suggestion otherwise. I need to put my faith into action like I do for Amazon, kitchen chairs and dollar bills. I have to trust that God plans to take me places that NJ transit cannot. I have to believe that God loves me all the time, no matter what strife we may have between us.
What do you have more faith in than God? Nothing? Just me? Okay.