I first wrote this piece in January 2015 with much controversy and backlash from readers. Those who did not understand mourned my physical death in shock. Some shed tears and cursed me once they found out I was still breathing. One day you’ll read this post and I won’t be breathing. But today, Christ lives in me and works through me so don’t be upset. I die daily.
For the past 27 years, I’ve been dying a little more each day.
You’ve gotten to know me pretty well over the past 7 years or so, right? It was seven years ago that you first met me. Bright, bubbly, and oh so bold, Kamryn Adams burst onto the social media scene with vision and goals and lights in my eyes. All of that is now gone today. It’s a marvelous day for a funeral.
Yep, I finally got tired of the emotional ups and downs of life. I got tired of struggling to love and struggling to forgive. I was so fed up with letting people walk all over me for the sake of “goodness”, “kindness”, “gentleness” and “self control”. Tired of saying “God is good” when what I wanted to say was, “God, where the heck are you?”
I was so tired of making plans that never came to pass and achieving success that I never really planned to pursue.
It was extremely lucrative and afforded me great experiences and lots of shiny new things with a whole bunch of shiny new people. However, my life lacked enough purpose to sustain me. Sure I had some purposeful moments but the bulk of my time was spent trying to fix problems, find solutions, and providing for the lifestyle I never really cared for much.
Today I got tired of…you know…chasing waterfalls. I mean, every single day is a struggle. Just the other day I got a flat tire on my car. How annoying! Women don’t have covering. Men don’t have courage. Heck, even Bible Study doesn’t always have Bibles. The world has just gone mad!!! Racism, poverty, illiteracy, self- hatred, broken families and personal relationships that exist without love and respect. Thinkers don’t believe in Christ and Christ believers don’t think about why they do. I’m outta here. I’m tired of this place.
What does that have to do with it? I finally stopped looking for love and decided to BE LOVE. Once that happened, I started to die at a faster rate. So here I am. Praise God!!! Today is my funeral. Most people don’t get to write their own obituary but here goes…
Kamryn Adams died today. She was born again on June 14, 1987 and finally died on January 16, 2015. After a nearly 28 year battle with herself, she finally died. Romans 6:5 says “Christ died, and we have been joined with him by dying too. So we will also be joined with him by rising from death as He did.” The only thing she ever wanted to do was die. Year after year she tried only to fail. Some years were worse than others…she barely died at at. But some years…she managed to die more and more. On this day, her body crumbled to pieces and the grace of God shined through the rubble. She gave up on her own hopes and aspirations and began to focus on His Will and His Way. There is nothing more for Kamryn Adams to want or to do in this life. She has taken all of it and buried it with herself. Now, all that remains is the Christ in her.
Now that I have died I have no worries. No need to worry about how to eradicate racism, poverty, illiteracy, self-hatred, and the like. That’s not my job. That’s God’s job. Now that I am dead God can tackle those things through me. God is spreading love through me. God is teaching others through me. God is doing a whole lot through me because I finally died. He had been waiting to do so many things but his hands were tied because mine were in everything.
Don’t be fooled… it may look like me or even sound like me. God disguises himself down here so we don’t freak out and get blinded when we see Him. It’s not me. I’m dead. He owns The Kamryn Adams Group , is working on a new book and screenplay. He’s an AKA and a the President of Jack & Jill. He sits on the board of Dress For Success and works with the PTO. Please do not think it is me. I am not able to do anything because I am dead. My casket is filled with many things great and small, but most importantly it contains remains of what used to be me.
When will you decide to help God do more things through you instead of around you or in spite of you? When is your funeral?