Why He Will Not Marry You

My client and I had a powerful session and she said I should share this on my blog. This was her idea. I’ve never shared my client details before but she was very passionate about her story being told.

“Wow!! It’s not rocket science, but sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else.”  She is indeed courageous and taking control of her life’s vision. I’m proud of her.  So here’s the essence of what I told her… Please keep in mind that as a coach, it is not my job to give solutions, but only to bring awareness to the situation and support you along your way to achieving your success.

I asked her this question…. How many times have you gone into a store and paid more than the asking price listed on the price tag?  If the cost is  $0.99 how often do you volunteer to pay $5?

When we shop we look for bargains.  We never pay more than the asking price for anything unless there is competition for it or it is something we REALLY REALLY have to have. With that being said…

Ladies, it is not his fault that he will not marry you.  It’s yours!

You keep blaming him for not making a deeper commitment, for not providing for you, for not treating you the way you want to be treated.  You keep his house, cook his food, and have his children without him being your husband. So why would he feel compelled to marry you and make you his wife?  He has no need to do that.

Next question:  How many times have you gone back to the store to give more money for something you already got on sale? Asking a man to marry you after you’ve already given him everything he wanted is like him answering “yes” to the previous question. Sounds silly, doesn’t it.   Why would he pay higher than retail price you’ve set for yourself?

My client moved from her home, friends and family to be with “this guy” and now after nearly 5 years and a new baby she is frustrated because he won’t commit to her with a ring. She explained to me that she was the “side chick” for a while before his other relationship ended. Once the other woman found out about her she left him.  I told my client that I perceive the other woman had a higher price point than she did. Too high for him to pay, perhaps.

She said, “I know he still loves her a lot” and she had made peace with that.  My client was okay with being second in his heart. She came to understand that she was his consolation prize. She felt he had tricked her into changing her whole life for him.  I pointed out to her that nobody can “trick you” into changing.  We all own our actions and behaviors.  She also came to realize that she thought she had a lot to gain by being with him only to find out he really did not have much and was not what he portrayed himself to be.  Again…not his fault that she was motivated by material gain. She’s angry at him and she repeated it over and over again.

I finally said, “You are angry with him. How do you feel about you?”

It was at that moment that the light bulb came on and she saw how very little she valued herself.  As much as she tried to pretend she was a woman of substance, she knew she was not.  She said to me, “I’m a wanna be”  and further said, “I wanna be her”, speaking of the ex whom she had proudly proclaimed “I ran her away.”

Ladies, it is okay to make mistakes and sometimes you will make a huge mess of your life.  It is critical to take responsibility, hold yourself accountable and change your situation to meet your vision. What is your vision for you and your children? Are you living that vision? If not what do YOU need to do to get to a better situation?  You have choices. Waiting for someone to pay more than retail price is choice you can make.  You can also make the choice to switch that price tag and re-value who you are to yourself and to others.  Whatever you decide, remember to always love yourself first. After that everything else is easy. Miracles & Blessings!

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