Three Little Pigs and A Side Chick

We are a week out from the return of “Scandal” on ABC.  In the meantime BET’s series “Being Mary Jane” starring Gabrielle Union has generated lot of conversation in my life recently around the 7th commandment…

Do not commit adultery.  No argument from me there. Adultery is morally and spiritually wrong.  It is written that you should not do it.  So church folk don’t flood my blog with scripture about the word of God. I got it and I agree with it from Genesis to Revelation.

HOWEVER, let us not look at these characters with a myopic and overly simplified view of life.  Life is not black and white. Even the Bible speaks of disputable matters that must be determined by the spirit and conviction of every man.  (Romans 14)  Adultery is NOT a disputable matter. Whether Liv and MJ are home wreckers…that’s debatable.

The level of emotion around these two characters, Olive Pope and Mary Jane Paul,  is quite entertaining.  Those women who have husbands and long term boyfriends are disgusted by Liv and MJ.  Those women who are still out there searching for a real love are silent champions of this forbidden love.

We each look at this topic of infidelity from our own lens. Over the years, my perspective and judgement has changed.  Oh how I would love to assign the title of “homewrecker” to a side chick who captures the sight of my husband. And oh how a woman who sees her husband falling in love with me would love to fault me for her failed marriage. But the truth is…nobody can wreck a strong home.

Take a cue from the The Little Pigs.  One house was made of straw and easily blown down by the Big Bad Wolf.  One house was made of sticks and with just a little more effort was blown down by the Big Bad Wolf. But there was a house made of brick. That house remained despite the fear, strength and actions of the Big Bad Wolf.  If your house is made of brick it can withstand any “homewrecker” lurking around the perimeter.

The truth is….main chicks, wives, and some women are angry at other women who capture the eye of unavailable men. We say that, as women, we should be more respectful of each other than to take another woman’s man. However, we do not hold our men accountable to respect us enough not to be taken or led astray. The accountability of your relationship is not on some woman whom you’ve (hopefully)  never met. It is on you and your mate.

This whole “men will be men” mindset that women have adopted in order to forgive the infidelity of men is just an extension of how unsupportive women can often be to one another. “It’s her fault!” We embody this in our hearts but truth must be the foundation of our reality.  You cannot hold someone accountable for your marriage unless they stood up at the altar and took a vow with you. Even if the woman is your very best friend…it’s crappy…it’s disloyal…it’s repugnant…it’s certainly worth an ass kicking beyond measure, BUT it is NOT her fault your home is wrecked. It is yours and his.

You ignored the cracks in your marriage. You decided that being “good enough” was good enough for you. It was probably good enough for him until he found something better. Yes, raising children, working and paying bills, dealing with extended family all take an amazing amount of  energy and can take a toll on your relationship. However, if you allow the cracks of these daily nuances to wreck the foundation of your home, do not point fingers when the Big Bad Wolf  in stilettos comes and blows your house down. Unless, of course, you point them at you and your mate.

I am not excusing infidelity. I have been the cheatED and the cheatER. I have been the hurt wife and the new thing that unintentionally caught his eye and fell in love.  I thank God for grace and the blood of Jesus that covers our sins. I once said “I WOULD NEVER…” only to realize like Peter denying Jesus that under the right circumstances I did. (Mark 14)  Every side chick and vixen has to answer for her own behavior, her motivation and intentions with your man.  But what she will not answer for, is the state of your marriage.  She took no such vow. You can’t be mad at her.

So, I prepare to move forward in my own life and build a new house of love, faith and grace. I plan to build this house on Christ the solid rock so that Side Chicks and Vixens can huff, and puff and strut their stuff but will never again blow my house down.

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