Welcome to My Mid Life Crisis

My 40th Birthday Bash!!! 
A mid life crisis is defined as a time between 40 and 60 when a person develops a need to reassess life and its meaning. 
Over the past year or two I’ve been indicted with having a Mid-Life Crisis (MLC).  Let me say openly… I resent the insinuation that at the tender age of 40 I was at “mid life”.  I actually do not think I was a fully functional adult until I was 40. Sure, I had built a career, had my children and marriage and scratched some great travel off of my to do list, but I was just getting started. 

It was not until 40 that I decided not to tolerate people and things that did not add to my God centered joy.  It was not until 40 that I had the courage to do some things that may be criticized by people I care about, those closest to me. It was not until the age of 40 that I chose to stop seeking validation for my belief system and value base.  It was at the age of 40 that I decided to live my life as I see it and not the expectations of society, family or bystanders who had no stake in my world.  At 40 I had just arrived. So what was all this talk about mid-life?

Now…I realize that I had some MLC-ish behavior that may have confused some folks. To them, my decisions may look impulsive, impetuous and down right infantile.  For example, one day while leaving the spa with my wonderful cousin, I decided to get a tattoo.  Seems spontaneous and impulsive to the unknowing eye.  However, I’ve been getting this same butterfly in henna, airbrush and temporary ink form at least once a year since I was 24 years old. All of the novels I have written showcase a butterfly on the cover.  The butterfly is my thing. IT’S ME!  Always has been. That particular day was chosen because my wonderful cousin was here to hold my hand through the pain–and it hurt.  However, it was not until I was 40 years old that I was mature enough to make a very informed decision on the placement, text, and meaning that would be with me for the rest of my life. At 25 I would have gotten it on my arm or breast or some place that would look silly on me right now dawning my sophisticated ball gowns.  It was also not until 40 that I had the energy, love and compassion to listen and respond appropriately in love to the Leviticus Christians. 

As I continue to make what will appear to be drastic changes in my life this year I decided to take a closer look at whether or not I was actually having a MLC.  What do the experts say?  Let’s see how my behavior, thoughts and feelings stack up to the definition. 

Psychology today says a Mid Life Crisis (MLC) can include:

1. Discontentment or boredom with life or with the lifestyle (including people and things) that have provided fulfillment for a long time  NOPE! Not even close. I got rid of folks that were  dropping rain on my fire. I had been tolerating superficial or unhealthy relationships with people whose values and beliefs did not align with mine for quite some time. Take a look at my instagram folks.  I’m still VERY MUCH enjoying life.  I am surrounded by positive, loving, supportive, confident, God-fearing women and men. 2013 was a no drama year! I loved it! 

2. Feeling restless and wanting to do something completely different  NOPE!  I’ve been doing two things since I was 14 years old: Working ambitiously and writing on the side.  I’m still doing that.  I do not feel restless at all. In fact, I am exhausted from all the things I do. I love to try new things and believe I should optimize all the talent and skill God has given me. Completely different? No. Getting better at what I currently do. Yes! 

3. Questioning decisions made years earlier and the meaning of life  I have a belief system in which I never question my decisions because my life is a perfectly orchestrated journey written just for me. I do not question my decisions because I trust my decision making process…which is being led by the Holy Spirit.  My relationship with Jesus just kind of wipes this one right out of the equation.  All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. (Rom 8:28) The end! 

4. Confusion about who you are or where your life is going   I AM LOVE! There is no question about that.  It was not until 40 that I knew and accepted exactly who I am. I am here to display the love of God, model love for self and encourage love for others.  I am a type A, maniacal planner. So I know where my life is headed and it has been going the same direction since I was 8. FORWARD!  I am not worried about the twists and turns along the way as long as the compass is still pointing in the right direction…toward my destiny. 
5. Persistent sadness   In the words of my good friend Patricia, I’m always TURNTUP!  I’m always on 10 unless I’m resting for another ramp up, then I’m on 7.  I just learned how to go down to 3 at the end of last year with the help of Love, Grace, and a good book. 

6. Acting on alcohol, drug, food, or other compulsions  Yup! I been drankin’. I been drankin’….since I was in my late teens so that’s nothing new.  I enjoy a good martini and I happen to be quite a skilled bartender for my girls. As for food, I went low-carb, sugar-free to kick my dessert and pasta addiction at 40. Just the opposite that MLC suggests.  Some people may think that a drastic diet/exercise regimen is a sign of a MLC at 40. It’s actually just a biological need at 40.  Ya jiggling baby…now back away from the cake and get to the gym.

7. Greatly increased sexual desire  This is debatable!  At 40 you are more confident in who you are so you feel sexier.  That might make some people have more sex if they weren’t having enough already. This is an unequivocal NO for me.  My sexual desire is…where it has always been. (See #5)
8. Greatly increased ambition.   Can I get any more ambitious? I take Philippians 4:13 to heart. I really do believe I can do anything that comes to my mind and heart to do.  I’ve been saying the same thing since I was 3 years old standing in my mother’s high heel shoes. “I’m going to wear a suit and carry a brief case to work. I’m going to be the boss.”   
9. Exploring new types of music, food, and activities  I think this one is just silly. I love to parasail, but hate roller coasters. I love both Billy Joel and Nas. I sing Broadway show tunes, but don’t really like  old AMC movies.  I can bowl and play chess. I was listening to Beyonce in my 20s, 30s, and 40s.  She changed the game not me!!! *Singing Yonce’ all on his mouth like liquor…like like liquor…oh sorry. Point being, if you have a personality where you like new things, you’ve been doing that all your life. Duh! 

10. Getting a divorce/Dating younger (men)  I mean, I did this for the first time when I was only 24 years old and “cougar” was merely a mountain lion. Nuff said!  

The point is…  MLC for me is merely “My Life Choices”.  If I am indeed in a mid-life crisis then I have been in one since I was in the 3rd grade. Since then I have been heading in one focused direction my entire life…toward my divinely ordered destiny. Thank you Holy Spirit for your guidance and truth. Thank you God for designing my life to be exactly as it should be, has been, and will be.  Welcome to My Life Choices! Enjoy the show. 


  1. […] at yourself and admit that there are broken places in your life. It will not be easy to do. The journey to wholeness begins with seeing and accepting your own imperfection. Ecclesiastes 1:18 tells us that “The greater […]

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