The Pope Probability: Black Women and Interracial Dating

Am I the only one who sees that Olivia Pope is slowly but surely desensitizing Black woman to the world of interracial dating? I hope not.  Last night’s Scandal on ABC had me turned up on Jake and Fitz. That basketball scene put me over the top.

As a woman who has certainly explored my cultural dating options along the way, I appreciate Shonda Rhimes’ ability to show a different side of white men.  Most women associate dating a white guy with dating someone like John Boehner.  Not so!  Just like Black men, other races of men come with a variety of positive attributes that can be sexy, fun, passionate and loving.

Do the math

True, honest, transparent, deep spiritual love is hard to find. Adding layers of rules, requirements, and regulations on top of the eclipsed nature of romantic love makes our chances of finding love even more difficult. So love, by its very nature of being like a butterfly – though quite beautiful is often elusive. It is a lifelong quest for some women, particularly African-American women who refuse to date outside of their race.  Forget about the personal requirements you may have for a mate, the sheer number of available living, breathing, straight, “free” Black men is a mismatch for the number of women in the world. The math does not dictate comparing numbers of Black men to Black women.  Black men date outside of their race more often. So the competition for Black men is ALL WOMEN.  This, my friends, in math is akin to the Law of Probability – the likelihood that a Black woman will find true love with a Black man, regardless of his academic, social, financial, or marital status is….not likely. It is certainly possible, but not probable.

It has been documented that African American women are least likely to date outside of race. They are also most likely to be heads of household.  In math this is called a “direct correlation”. Because Black women are so hell bent on being with a “brotha” we may miss out on opportunities to build strong marriages and families with men of other races.  Thereby, passively and unconsciously deciding to be alone.

Understand the Science

Many Black women attribute their love of Black men to a love for the race and culture.  They want to build strong Black families. Okay great!  Black women only have Black children, thereby becoming Black mothers and building Black families.  I’m not hardly qualified to conduct a genetic study on race. However, I am well aware that if you are born and raised by a Black mother…you are indeed Black.  Hence the creation of my character, Callista Piper in “When the Butterfly Falls” (Not so shameless plug for my latest novel.) 

African-American traits are dominant genetically. There is no worry that dating outside of our race will obliterate Black American culture. After all, Black men have been doing it for decades and we’re still here. However, not dating outside of our race can be detrimental to building strong families with intellectual and economic relevance in America.  Smart, talented, beautiful woman who want families are not achieving this goal because they are not open to all of their options.

In my dating life, I have explored and enjoyed the company of many different cultures of men. This is probably attributed to my own mixed race heritage. However I was pretty good at math and I understood early on that finding my love connection though always a possibility, was a challenged probability because of who I am.  I am quite complex, an enigma of sorts. So finding a man who understands me was a challenge.  Finding a man who understands me and falls in love with me was an even bigger challenge. Had I also required that man to be a specific race, academic, economic, or social status I might still be waiting for that butterfly to fall in my lap.

So take a cue from Olivia Pope – find love wherever you can. Because even if you move to Vermont and make jam, you will still be a strong, beautiful, smart, talented Black woman.  You just won’t be a Black woman alone.

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